Baptism hymns

Does anyone have any nice new baptism hymns?  To well known tunes preferably. Or what ones do you use?

What have I been reading?

Well, thank you for asking.

I have just finished The Lollipop Shoes by Joanne Harris, the sequel to Chocolat. I loved Chocolat (and the film although i was not happy they changed the priest to the mayor) but was a little disappointed with this follow up. It was pretty slow to get going but nice enough once it got going. There are spells and mystery and witchcraft galore but love and goodness prevails.

If you loved Chocolat you will probably enjoy finding out what happened to Vianne. If you haven’t read Chocolat then there’s no point really.

Electric incense

Most clergy love to receive Church Supply catalogues. Indeed I once shared a flat with a certain ordinand who was known to pour over such catalogues while the rest of us were reading theology. She could source good women’s clerical shirts (that’s good shirts btw, not necessarily for good women) in seconds and knew the most competative prices for Roman cottas.

This week I received the latest catalogue from SoS (Shinglers of Sutton) who are very generous participants at the Ingliston Roadshows btw. In it I was delighted to see the new Electronic Incensor. You plug it in to charge the battery, bung on the incense (medium grain is best) and press the button to spark it off. Loads of smoke ensues (for 3 minutes) and if you need another boost you just hit the button again.

Now most churches have a minority of members who have what we call a ‘Presbyterian cough’ when it comes to incense. Cries of allergy and cancer can be heard amidst the pronounced coughing and clearing of throats. Of course, we high church afficienados know that this ‘allergy’ is really to the smoke that comes from the charcoal and not the incense itself which is herbal and awfully good for you really. The Electronic Incensor could be the way forward.

Anyone want to donate £288 to a good cause?

Mary Magdalene

It’s Mary Mag’s feast day today. Here she is looking windswept and interesting.

O God, the power of the powerless,
you have chosen as your witnesses those whose voice is not heard.
Grant that, as women first announced the resurrection
though they were not believed,
we too may have the courage
to persist in proclaiming your word,
in the power of Jesus Christ. Amen

(Janet Morlay
in Celebrating Women)

Computer tales

It is all a bit quieter here at St Mark’s now that the holidays are fully under way. This has given me some time to spend with my new laptop (still blacking out occasionally despite the ministrations of the lovely lady from Dell in Delhi) and trying to speed up my desk top. Yesterday my new external hard drive arrived (pink, shockproof and 250GB) so with the help of Son #2 we put all my music on it and I transferred some files to the lap top. The synchronisation of Outlook has defeated me so I may give up on that one. But I did manage to synchronise my internet favourites with the help of Foxmarks which did a sterling job.

Today its a day for removing Norton and keeping my fingers crossed. That, and tidying the study in preparation for the boiler arrival next week. Its an exciting life we lead, us priests.

Women in ministry

Been getting a wee bit of flack on the old blog regarding women bishops. So I thought it was time to resurrect this old story from the days before women were ordained as priests. At a meeting a woman deacon had stood up and declared:

“I can’t absolve. I can’t perform marriages. I can’t consecrate the elements at the Eucharist. I can’t bless. I can’t even anoint the sick, because I haven’t got a penis!”

A male priest leaned over and said quietly to his neighbour:

“I use a thumb, myself.”

The Lost Week

Well, I did warn you that this story was likely to run and run…

I lost most of this week due to either severe toothache or in an interesting drug haze from rather strong painkillers. I did take a service on Thursday morning but I’m still not convinced that I was actually there. I know I remembered not to consume all of the left-over Blood of Christ. (So many warnings on these antibiotics on what might befall me if I do imbibe.)

I had another trip to the dentist when something erupted on my gum and had a painful scraping and poking procedure. Things have improved considerably but I can still feel the poison meandering around the left side of my head.

But enough of my grumblings. Today is the Iona Pilgrimage reunion so I’m off to drink lemonade and wonder at the Wild Goose.

No communion wine for me then

Woke up with raging toothache this morning. You may remember the saga of the very expensive crown (here) and frankly it has never really been a great success in terms of eating. It may look gorgeous but it traps food like nobody’s business and I have had to become the Queen of Flossing ever since. But today it was more than just the usual ache - this is full blown pain right up to my eye socket.

So, a quick trip to the dentist ensued and I was informed that I have an abcess and that they can’t do root canal treatment on back teeth so I’ll have to go private to the tune of about £400. (You may recall that this is exactly what the blessed crown cost me in the first place.) I have been given extra-strength antibiotics (the ones you can’t drink alcohol with) for 10 days but she is pretty sure it will keep re-occurring. The other alternative is to get the crown taken out and she will have a go at a bit of root prodding which I think is what she said she really couldn’t do.

Great! Now I can’t eat and I can’t afford to get treated. Bummer. So I’m off to a dark room to lie down and moan softly…

Canterbury Tales

As our Bishops head off to the Lambeth Conference you might be interested in reading the tale of the one bishop who was not invited just because he’s gay. Bishop Gene Robinson has a blog, Canterbury Tales from the Fringe, which tells his story of being in the UK and being excluded and other stories. And no, its not bitter - it is full of joy and hope. Bookmark it here.

Festal Evensong rant

OK, so you’ve got a bunch of Anglican Bishops and spouses from the far corners of the earth to entertain for a weekend before they head off to Lambeth. What would you do with them? How would you welcome them?  Send them out to parishes seems like a good idea and I heartily agree. Let them get a taste of how we operate here in the Edinburgh Diocese, and give them a flavour of good Scottish hospitality and good Scottish liturgy. And I believe that they all preached in the places they were sent which is jolly nice too. No problems there then.

Then it seems like a good idea to have a Festal Evensong in the Mother Church of the Diocese to send them off filled with the best liturgy and music that Scotland can offer. Good idea, right?  Was that what happened tonight? Was it heck.

First there was the liturgy - that would be the 1929 Scottish Prayer Book evening prayer. (”But we always use that in the Cathedral”) Yes, that’ll show them Scottish Liturgy at its best. The setting of course was Dyson in D - that well known English composer of the early part of the 20th century. The Introit was Stanford’s ‘O for a closer walk’ - Stanford being Irish but brought up in England at the end of the 19th century. The Anthem was Ireland’s ‘Greater love hath no man [sic] than this’ - Ireland being English naturally, and again from the first half of the 20th century. The final hymn was one of my favourites, Thy hand, O God, has guided, but in the original version which mentions ‘fathers’, ‘men’ and ‘man’ several times. Well we must keep the women feeling included and welcome after all. And then, at last we have something modern - Rutter’s Irish Blessing to see them off which was beautiful but not exactly Scottish, followed by the Voluntary by Herbert Brewer and yes, you guessed it, he’s English and long since dead.

So, basically, they have seen the English Church at prayer. The Cantor was English, prayers were by the Provost, readings by the retired Bishop of Jarrow and an English woman. The choir were made up from ‘Choirs of the Diocese’ (ours wasn’t invited, btw!) and not robed, but they did sing well. In fact, it was all beautifully done but just not Scottish or very inclusive or particularly welcoming to the Bishops who only got mentioned in small print on the front of the pew booklet as ‘attended by Lambeth Delegates’.

Grr. Where’s a Suggestion Box when you need one?